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February 13th, 2008

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February 11th, 2008

12:55 pm - Yawn Urgh, I'm really tired today. REALLY tired. MSN is a bad thing. Talking to someone you get on really well with on MSN is even worse. 3.30am is NOT a good time to be trying to type, laid in bed, with your LEFT hand. No sir-ree. But making up emense Zombie battle plans at 3.30am, in bed, with your left hand, does kind of make up for the tiredness today. :-) I liketh Zombie talk. And talking the zombie talk with cute ginger boys (eeep! I LOVE GINGERS!) is the coolest. (Not *certain* type boys, but it's all good). Hehehe. Another fabulous weekend. Pissed as a fucking fart on Saturday thanks to the kind folk in Revs, as well as Caz, Lei, Lorna, Vicki, Shockers, Porn-o-graphic, the scary south african dude, erm..... and those other people that were there. You guys rock my world and I LOVE YOU ALL. Sunday = pyjama day (again) and mammoth 12 hour MSN runs, as well as mail-order pizza which i'm sure did my diet no good, but it tasted yummers, and anyway, I can now pull my work trousers down without un-doing the buttons! So there! Ok. back to the red bull and the shop to serve the customers that I tought I could skive from today, but stupid work people always phone in sick when I feel like hiding so now I have to actually sell phones. LAME. xxxxx Current Location: work Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: nowt

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February 8th, 2008

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February 6th, 2008

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February 4th, 2008

03:23 pm Dear (shit) people on my friends list, Er....... Hello? Updates? Where? You all suck, Disgruntled Flange. Dear (cute) people on friend's friends lists, I don't mind if y'all update too. I like to stalk, I mean, READ, your entries too. Awaiting in ernest, Spangelina Current Mood: chipper

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11:25 am Dear people on my friends list, Can someone update please? I have nothing to read. Thanking you in advance, Flange Current Location: work Current Mood: bored

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January 31st, 2008

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January 30th, 2008

04:45 pm You all suck for not commenting on my 2 previous entries. :-p Current Mood: amused

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January 29th, 2008

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January 28th, 2008

11:48 am - What a weekend! coffee, roast pork, cute boy, PIE!, kissing, dancing, SOUTHEYS AND COKE!, snuggles, sunshine, Labyrith, tickling, Noddy, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, more dancing, shots, MSN, handholding, giggles, THRILLER!, roast chicken, penis :-D, friends, crying, really cute boy, closure, more tickling, no sleep, chocolate profriterolle cake of doom, perfection. This weekend totally ruled! :-D Current Location: work Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: none

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January 24th, 2008

10:50 am I don't know what's wrong with me. The first is the whole Heath Ledger thing. I'm really bothered by the fact that he died. I'm not gonna pretend that I was his biggest fan, or that he was my favourite actor or anything, but I did, on occassion, go to the cinema specifically to see a film coz he was in it. And I actually believed that, in the future, I would meet and marry Patrick from 10 Things....... I know that's stupid but man, I loved that boy. I don't have any personal experience of death. All my grandparents died before I was born (or when I was like 5, so it makes no odds). My parents are both still here, as are my brothers and sisters and their kids. None of the aunties/uncles or cousins I actually know have died and I've never lost a close friend. Or any friend for that matter. That measn that the only people I 'know' who have died are celebrities. Usually, when someone famous dies who I liked it comes as a bit of a shock. There are some "oh, that's a real shame"s, but that's it. But this is different. I don't WANT him to be dead. I liked him, I liked his work, he seemed decent. You hear all the time of stars being wreckless, all the Kate's and the Britneys and the Amy's and the Paris' and the so and so, but you didn't hear that of him. He wasn't in my National Enquirer because he'd been done for DUI again, he was in there pictured with his family, his little girl, if at all. I know that it doesn't mean that he didn't have personal addictions/issues (I'm not making assumptions until the cause of death is established), that weren't displayed in public but he seemed so normal. So why? And why do I care? I didn't know the guy. Do I have a right to care? Can you mourn for a celebrity? Someone you didn't know? Is it disrespectful to the people who did know them and do have to mourn? I was soooooo looking forward to The Dark Knight and Heath's Joker, now, I'm not sure I could even watch it. Part of me thinks it would feel wrong, but another part thinks it would be a fitting tribute. Not just for me to watch it, but for everyone who watches it. I feel stupid for caring. But evertime I see the word's HEATH LEDGER - FOUND DEAD, it tears me up a little and I wish it wasn't true. I just don't understand why I feel like I wish it wasn't true. And I don't understand if I have the right to feel like that. I was going to write abut something else here too, but it is going to have to wait. It doesn't seem right to write about something so trivial..... when in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter. Current Location: work Current Mood: blank Current Music: none

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January 22nd, 2008

10:52 pm - ok if heath ledger is actually relly, really dead, as opposed to this being a hoax, I will not be impressed! Current Mood: sad

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January 21st, 2008

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January 18th, 2008

08:45 pm - Soooooooo...... I am dying a death due to cold at the minute. I think it's only a cold. I can still stand up (just) but I can't deal with bright lights. I need, need, need to have a couple of days in bed, but I really can't take the time off work. It's too busy. And I still don't have a real manager to take the reigns. Rubbish. On the plus side, in 10 months and 2 days I will be in Florida. YIPPIE! I booked it today. Only £550 for a fortnight in a sexy villa and fights on Virgin jumbo too. Going with me ma and pa and the sis and the neice, which will be a little annoying no doubt, but it's all OK because I will GET TO SEE MICKEY MOUSE and hopefully Buzz Lightyear and Stitch. =) In Universal Studio's now there is a Dr Seuss land (I have him to thank for my user name), and there is a cafe where you can actually eat GREEN EGGS AND HAM!!!! I'm soooooooo going there. So the next 10 months will involve parting with over £1000 but fuck it, I haven't had a real holiday in 4 and a half years so screw it. Woot woot! Very excited. That's all. =) Current Mood: excited

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January 11th, 2008

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January 1st, 2008

01:38 am - Can't remember when I last saw you laughing......... So, 2008 then. Hmmmmmmmm............ can it be worse then 2007? More then likely. Especially if you count the fact that I now officially turn 25 this year. Bumflaps. Anyway, I don't like new years, so to make up for that I am drinking Southern Comfort, and waiting for Rocky Horror to come on by listening to Phil Collins. So sue me. Hope it's a good one to any of you who need to believe that this year will miraculously be better then the last due to the fact that there's an 8 at the end now. And remember: She's an easy lover. (I wonder if the girl who this song is about is happy about being deemed an Easy lover?) Current Location: Lynford's house Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Phil Collins. Duh!

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December 27th, 2007

11:25 pm - hmmmmm..... going to keep this short and sweet as i have busted my arm and it hurts like a bitch to type with my right hand so i shall just be using my left...... i have been missing steve a lot recently. until i see him and then realise why we shouldn't be together. he is a very selfish person. i never really realised when we were going out but i can see it now. i hate people who only think of themselves, especially when i usually give so much, too much probably. oh and i have a stalker. yes, yes i do. Thing is he is fucking hot but a knobber as well. A complete fucking cunt. But hot. it is a dilemma because he is so hot yet such a r-tard, but i have been doing my best to ignore him and not get entwined in his games, and i am doing a good job. trouble is that my ignoring-ness just serves his persistance in the stalking. if a woman was texting/messaging etc as much as he is she'd be labelled a bunny boiler. he thinks he has control over me because looks-wise, he is outta my league so he thinks i'll put up with shite coz i'm soooooooo honored to have a man like him flirt with me or pay interest to me. well i'm not, and i wont. but god-damn! is he hot!!!!! Have to leave it there as my arm feels like it may fall off. =( P.S: alot of people have been pissing me off recently. P.P.S: I forgot to say Merry christmas. Current Mood: broken Current Music: waynes world 2

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December 5th, 2007

08:44 pm - If anyone doesn't like it then I don't give a shite........ There was a spotlight recently called before i go, or something like that, where you post shit you wanna do/say before you die. I wrote a list. But no letters to anyone, coz I didn't see the point. What's the point in saying something if the person/people it is intended for never get to see it? Well, that kinda contradicts what I'm about to do, because not everyone I am going to post to/about has access to this. But I'm gonna do it anyway. I can't decide if I'm going to add names yet. I don't think that I will because my guess is if I mean that much to you then you should know who you are...... So here goes. I hate the fact that I can't get over you. That even now, 3 years on, you still manage to get under my skin. I wonder if I will ever find someone to live up to you, or the memory of you, at least. It still hurts me to think of what I had and lost, but it's all fading. YOU are fading. I can't work out if what I do remember is really real or a made-up version. If I am kidding myself into remembering it being better then it was. Only I dont think it is/was. I hate that no-one is ever good enough. And I hate that you moved on so quickly, albeit forced. If only I'd had your child. Would it be me instead of her? Would it be 'us' instead of 'you'? I just want the hurt to go away. I wish you would talk to me more. I know it isn't what you do, but I hate to see you hurt and not be able to do anything, because you keep so much inside. I need you to know that I will always listen. Even if it is only when you're pissed. I love you more then you could realise, even though sometimes I feel like I live in your shadow. You are so much better then me. You're the Batman and I'm the Robin. I'm the bafoon of a side-kick that people make fun of, not the superhero they look up to. That's what you are. I envy you at times, although I know it isn't as glamerous being you as I think it is. I'm not much of a best friend, I know, but I will love you til the day I die. I just hope one day I can do as much for you as you have done for me. (God, this is harder then I thought. I hate how easily I cry!) We were never going to work. We were never going to go anywhere. It was stupid for us to think otherwise. Did you ever really think it? Coz I don't think I did, not really. I felt pressure to make it work for other people, because I didn't want to have to admit another failure. You have hurt my confidence so badly. You have hurt my heart more. I trusted you and I shouldn't have. You were no good for me. And yet, I still love you, and I still miss you. And when I am weak I want you back more then anything. But it is the worst idea I have ever had. One day I want to be your friend. One day I want to be able to sit with you again and watch movies and eat KFC. But not yet. I would just kid myself that things could be ok, when I know they never will be. I always said 'no regrets', but I really regret not getting out of this sooner ansd saving a little more of my sanity. But no going back. One day it will be ok. I still care so much. You don't need a man to make you happy. I think you are pretty cute. I've been deliberately delaying your issue so as to have more time to talk to you. I'd love to buy you a drink sometime, to make up for the hassle. But I really have to ask, are you gay? You are beautiful and deserve true happiness. It will come to you soon. I should pay more attention to you. I'm sorry if it seems like I don't. We need to make more time for eachother as I have a blast when we are out. Why didn't you say sorry when you said you would? Did I really not mean anything to you enough to say those words that were going to be so difficult for you to say? If you didn't mean all that stuff then they should have been easy. I AM SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN IT. That's all. I cared - care - so much and you washed your hands so easily. I still try to keep up with what's going on in your life and I am truely happy for you. I wanted you to say sorry so much. I wanted you to be sorry. I guess it's over for good. Your constant paranoia and moaning drives me mental. I wish I never met you. I'm sure the feeling is mutual. I wish you wouldn't hide so much from me. I want you to be a proper mum, and hug me like mums should. I want you to be proud of me and I don't think that you are. I'm sorry I am such a disappointment. I love you more then anyone. You have been a fucking prick in the past but you have loved me as your own and that's exactly what I am - yours. I miss you when I'm not home. I wish we could show it more. Why didn't you say anything about me and Steve? Not so much as an 'I'm sorry to hear that'. Current Mood: blah

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